Should I

Perhaps I am not happy ? I hide many things, may be I don't fit anywhere. I don't have so many things that others  have. I am wrestling with too many thoughts. What is blocking me to be positive and optimistic.
Sometimes , specially when during morning am enormously active, happy and sparkling, But when the Dawn strikes it's when I am questing my faith.
Over the last few months I have not seen any growth, definitely not a good sign, I have become too lazy, that I am not even working out, I do read my bible and pray my lines, I do try to connect with God, but it's all shallow. I feel absence , there is absolute absence of any sign. Then I want to scream out for Help! And my bones making cracking sound, what I am looking for , what am I missing even knowing the real meaning of life, what am I missing on. Is it that I am not truly perusing the purpose of my living .
  If not, what is my calling ? I know am waiting for many things to happen, but I can't control anything.
Then what can I do about the things I can't control ?
Do I need to find the answers or should I don't care ?
Should I doubt or should I believe.
Should I rebel or should I surrender.
Should I give up or should look for answers.
Should I let go  or should I hold on.
Should I cry or should I dance.
Should I sow or should I reap.
Should I stay or should I move.