A secret piece of me.

I have been looking for doing something meaningful apart from my regular job, working in a cooperate setup means everything is business, and business is money , some people find joy , or may be satisfaction in that , but somehow for me it not working out. So many people ask me why are you working in cooperate setup, well guess to fulfil the necessities of life, Apart from steady income nothing else is good here.
Am not among those who are risk takers.
I feel thankful for the the provision, and also it's a good working atmosphere, that's my whole take on working with cooperate hospital, OK definitely there is service involved, and lot of patience is required when you deal with well off people, coz they probably have all the information about what disease they may be having, which is now easily learned from internet, it's good ! Makes my job easy too. 

Hmmm , am not against it, but sometimes it becomes difficult to deal with their questions,  because all they have is doubt and no faith. What a draw back cooperate hospitals 🏥 have created, where there is no faith based relationship between doctor and patient. 
Anyway my whole point is that where do I fit in all this. Everything is changing so fast, world is growing with a frequency that is faster than speed of super car ! 
There will always be people better than me, perhaps smarter than me.
I miss the touch of grace in midst .
I don't see me living a meaningful life.
Don't mistake me, when I say that , I do know that am saved , but I feel that's not enough .
I want to ask serious questions .
I want to know meaningful answers .

Like Walter Mitty story. To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life. 

Sean O'Connell: Sometimes I don't. If I like a moment, for me, personally, I don't like to have the distraction of the camera. I just want to stay in it.” 

As am growing older, I realise I do not have enough stories to share with my not yet born children's .

Living in purpose.  
It's something I need, something I need to live with .
Just as Moses, Abraham, Peter, Esther, Mary lived .
Did something remarkable.
I want to feel what they felt.
I want to see what they saw.
I want to do what they did.
I want to live as they lived.

I have so much hunger right now, just for one thing, living in the purpose.  

I want to seek it intentionally, and I know one day I will understand it all .

It wont be like a rush of adrenaline,but it will be like a waterfall, everlasting, always flowing, constant.

A place where there will be always more, and I won't be tired anymore.

Where I will breath like never before.

Where I will walk on waters. 

Where I will see the storms getting calm.

Where there will be rest and no battle with myself .